So, it seems I have Finals

Yeah, what are those?

I've been "off-line" for a few weeks now and it'll be a few more till I'm back in the Blogging Stratosphere proper but I need a little diversion right now.

So, dealing with the pressure of Finals and all that academic whatever, I require a few comforts.  However, all of what I need has not been invented/made legal yet.  So can the following please get their collective asses on it.

1) Dear LV (that's Louis Vuitton, geeks) - Please can you design a fashionable brown paper bag into which I can hyperventilate .

LV

2) Dear David Cameron - Can you prescribe Adderall as part of all degrees?  It will be the one good thing you do as PM.

3) To all Lab bench Monkeys - Stop being Frack - Wits - being stand-offish, dismissive and rude.  We're in the same Dept. and I have the same desire to learn as you do - stop being dicks!

4) Dear Uni of Cambs - Can we have nail techs on request...that's not so much a request, more an order...I hate revision and I hate it even more when it breaks my nails.

To The Lab Bench Monkies Ruining My Day

5) Dear God/Omnipresent Being/Dude in the Sky/Buddha - Can you increase my metabolism?  All this sitting in front of a computer, making notes, cramming pointless info into my head is boring and encourages boredom eating.  A sedentary lifestyle does not lead to a perfect physique...Basically, can you stop my ass getting fat and flatten my stomach?

6) Dear Cosmetic Surgeon - Can I look as Fabulous as This Lady?

Oh Nicki Nicki Nicki....❤

That is all I request.  And No...I'm not asking for too much.

Crimes Against Fashion

This post is not going to chastise those who unfortunately lack any notion of what fashion is, nor is it going to be a rant about how high-street stores destroy perfectly decent trends (eh em...Topshop!).  This post is in fact aimed at the Local Council and the pain it inflicts on fashion.

Rather fitting for the day of City Council elections, don't you think?

So, what has the Council done?  They have made the pavements too high and the roads too tarmac-ie and hard.

Why is this a crime against fashion?  Because it forces you to wear sensible shoes and if you wear, what I call normal shoes, i.e. heels, you are destined for failure and doom...and possibly pain...

Local Council Bastards...look at that knee...that knee is now a crime against fashion, as are the sensible shoes I am forced to wear as I hobble around in an unfashionable way! 

Although in true Lab Bench Lady style, sensible does not equate to boring...

Lab Bench Lady Customised Trainers

Lab Bench Lady Customised Trainers

I am holding the Council personally responsible for my pain.  And you ruined my So-So Fly freshly done did pedi...ruined my shoes, my legs and my nails...

You've just hit The Lab Bench Lady's Most Wanted List!

How did it happen?  I was walking my bike along the pavement and went to cross the road - tripped, fell down and was crushed my the bike.  Now, I don't blame the bike because she is a Princess and wouldn't have fallen on me if it hadn't been for pavement and tarmac silly-ness. 

So, Council Peeps...you're only going to get my vote if you make pavements lower and roads softer.  It's that simple!

Us Lab Bench Ladies Got To Stick Together

Here's a manicure I done did for a friend, who is also a So-So Fly Biologist.  We're showing those Nerds how it's done!

The manicure is Polka Dot Dotty using Barry M varnishes (Coral and Black).  Took me a while to paint in full - I'm a perfectionist.  But a Big Thank You to the Dahling who lent me her keratin canvases...I'd be happy to manicure again - if you ever have 5 hours to spare ^_^

Polka dots on nails has been trending for several years but they have never left the scene because they can work with most colour combos and they are pretty easy to paint - just use the end of a paint brush or anything with a small blunt end.

So get painting - I want to see those Polka Dot claws at a Lab Bench near me!

Here's some more polka dot inspiration for you:
(Please note - the pictures below are not mine)

Polka Dot Stilettos

Katy Perry - Serial Hottie - Polka Dot Nails

Loving the Bows

Metallics on Black

Check Out My Frakking Sweet Ride

Yep, it's sweet alright...

but it is NOT MINE!  Sad Sad Face!

It was created by Dean Shorey (NY, USA)...check out the original post here.

For those that are less geek-minded, the motor above is a Colonial Viper, used by fighter pilots in the truly awesome Battlestar Galactica.  Well, actually, it is a Mark II Colonial Viper.  Hey, some call it pedantry...I prefer to call it attention to detail!

At the moment I have a somewhat below standard ride - A Smart Car.  It is cute, indeed...but can it kick Cylon butt in outer space?  No.  So, I would gladly wrestle Starbuck for her Viper, although I'm 100% sure she would pound my ass into the ground. 

I'll just have to stick to driving my Smart Car at night, pretending it's a Viper and I'm going after frakking toasters...travelling at 90 mph and beeping my horn is just as good, right? O_o

Damn those Frakking Toasters....

So, say we all...

 
For clarification of terminology (for none geeks), please check out Battlestar Galactica wiki page - here.

How To Get Men To Hate You

This one goes out to Samantha Brick...seriously, bitch, follow my advice if you want to lead a normal life...also apologies to The Boy because he his going to hate this...I just couldn't help myself...I ❤ Nail Porn, especially when it's on me ^_^

Well, how do you get men to hate you when you are So-So Fly?  I understand Sam Brick's dilemma...ha...no, I'm in touch with reality (unfortunately)!  But...

One quality that men abhore in women, apart from low self esteem and hair that's not on your head, is [what they consider] horrifically long nails...is that a quality?...ummmm...maybe an attribute...who cares?...anyway, men are not fans of talons and/or nail porn.

I just can't help myself though - I ❤ long Nails!  As well as being very elegant, they are 10 potential canvases on which to paint your personality...anything you desire.

Yes, it is possible to do that on short nails but [they look hideous and] long nails provide you with a much larger surface on which to express yourself!  Go for it!

And if you're in need of nail-spiration check out 10 Blank Canvases - She's a Genius:

10 Blank Canvases

10 Blank Canvases

But back to the task at hand - "How To Get Men To Hate You" with Nail Porn...

I tried my hand at Salon Acrylics - yes D.I.Y. Acrylic Nails O_o...

Alien Barbie

I feel like the female version of Wolverine

I used Kiss: Complete Salon Acrylic Kit.  Having never worn Acrylics before, or any extensions that you don't stick directly on, these worked out fantastically well.  It was surprisingly easy...although it has left me cimpletly incpable of typing withut mistakes...pretty mch evey wrd...

Those 3 words wr for drmtic effct...

Anyways, I'm very happy with these...pretty easy to apply for a complete beginner, giving me Nails long enough to scratch any man's eyes out...c4urslf...

Talons + Pink = A Man's Worst Nightmare

Nicki Minaj - Beez In The Trap

Beez in the Trap

My Nails even go with My Fav Hoodie&Heels:

And I know men, including The Boy, hate nails this long and this pink.  But, in all honesty...

...this is the amount of fucks I give...

Old Skool...couldn't resist

BUT I don't want to put men off completely...so I suggest you combine So-So fly Long Nails with a Samantha Brick make-up tutorial...brought to you by the Talented Mr Kindersley...

...and I admit I'm attempting to jump on the bandwagon long after it has left town (You were pretty speedy, my dear!), everyone got there well before me...but it's never too late to look fabulous...Tell Them!

Stunning!
Fierce!

Primadonna ♀ Diva ♥ Such A F**king Lady ✯

This is dedicated to all the Divas, B**ches, Total Fraking Ladies, & Primadonnas in the Lab, City, Planet, Universe.

And do you know why?  Because We Rule This...

  
My Outfit, It Murda Bitches...

Click Clack, Bang Bang...

I'm in the Murda Bizness.

Yep, That Be The Way I Be In The Lab.

Kill B**ches Dead With A Gilson.  

Click Clack, Bang Bang, I'm the Queen of Plant Sciences.

My Armory of Gilson Pipettes

♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀

I Need This, Now It's All About Me...

All I've Wanted is the Laboratory...

I Know I've Got Such a Big Ego...

But I Really Don't Know Why It's Such a Big Deal Though...

...To Have The Crown of Plant Sciences...

Marina & The Diamonds - Primadonna

☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥☯♥

I'm Just Following the Lead of these So-So Fly Women...Regardless of Profession, These Women Rule:

Q ✌ U ✌ E ✌ E ✌ N ✌ S

Marie Skłodowska-Curie R.I.P. (1867 - 1934)
The Queen Bee of Physics

Aaliyah R.I.P. (1979 - 2001) I Miss You Baby Girl

Beyonce

Екатерина II Великая - Catherine the Great R.I.P. (1729 - 1796)
The Ultimate Tsarina

Amber Rose
Buzz Cut Babe

Audrey Hepburn R.I.P. (1929 - 1993)

Minnie Riperton R.I.P. (1947 - 1979)

Iggy Azalea
Bad & Blonde

Erykah Badu
A Voice Sweeter Than Honey

One Hot Web Page Full of Bad B**ches 

Cheerleader Look #10: I Need A Photographer

Any offers?

I'm bored of taking pictures of me posing like a Lame-O in my bedroom mirror.  I Need A Photographer.

I also need a new setting, new scenery.  As the weather has been absolutely stupendous recently, I thought I would take a few photos of my Lab outfit out on my balcony.  The view is lovely...however, my photography is not!  It's a lot harder to take pictures of yourself than I thought!

Balcony View

I look a bit disjointed...head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes!

Head, Shoulders

Knees

Toes

Outfit: Vintage Leather Jacket - Sheer Pink Shirt (buttoned to the top) - My Fav High-Waisted Jeans - Orange Sandals

 

So, if you fancy yourself a photographer, please get in touch!  I need you now!