We're Back In Bu$iness...

I have been a truly awful blogger of late...absolutely nothing for months...

How have you coped without my worldly, sage-like advice?  I dread to think of the awful fashion and poor music choices you've been forced to make while I have been M.I.A.

And for that I am truly sorry.  I wish I could say something to defend my absence from your life leaving you rudderless.  Well, something plausible, something you would believe...^_^ oh ahahaha...

This isn't an excuse as such but a lot has changed over the last few months...I've graduated without the fainest clue of what to do with my life other than Be Fabulous obvio!  So, really I'm the rudderless one.  But screw that, let's get back on track.  The Lab Bench Lady is back in bu$iness helping you look and feel fabulous xxx ^_^...

How to Get Nailed:

The best thing I girl can have on her hands is time and a fierce mani...

Blue Curaco (Mavala) with accent of Ibiza Mix (Models Own/hedkandi)

Paris (Mavala)

I've also been working on some nail art designs using my fav Mavalas working on a nail wheel.

Yeah, this s**t is So So-Fly even The Koolest Kitties want it.

FYI - I am designing sets of fake nails based on this seasons trends - that's Baroque people - as well as some of your run-of-the-mill awesomeness.  Keep an eye out for the LabBench Lady Talons on various e-marketplaces...yes, you will soon be able to look as hot as me ^_^

Shoe Porn:

Let me introduce you to the newest love of my life...

Vivienne Westwood Perfection...fuchsia skyscrapers...if only all high-rise buildings could be as beautifully coloured as this...sigh!

Notice the "business" books.  Yes, I'm hoping by reading something "businessy" I will in fact become more so...Dream On!  I should also add to that list Machiavelli's The Prince...All I'm missing are some blue eye shadow and big shoulder pads.

Listen to this and people will think you're cool:

Ladies first...

Tokyo Diiva (1% feat. Scotty Rebel)

Azealia Banks (1991)

Iggy Azalea (Murda Bizness feat. TI)

Kreay-Kreay-Kreayshawn (Go Hard La, La, La)

Grimes (Oblivion)

Now, Gentlemen...

Julio Bashmore (Au Seve)

A$AP Rocky (Goldie)

N.B. A$AP Rocky's hat...loves it...

So, no more excuses for being socially unacceptable.  I've told you what is what so now get to it...

P.S. I promise to never leave you for so long again...I love you xXx

I ♥ Ted

TedBaker, You have stolen my heart! 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

How could you not love a clothing and accessories brand that designs Dachshund purse clasps...

Miniature Dachshund

And everything comes in my favourite shade of pink...which is every shade of pink...

Now, they say you should match your mani to your dress/playsuit but it's a little more exciting to match it to your accessories.  So I created a mani that would nicely compliment my numerous Ted accessories.  Pink animal print on lime green covered in a coat of Essie "Matte about you".

Polishes used:
Lime Green - Inglot (#318) Check the whole range out here.
Pink - Mavala in Miami
I used Konad stamping plates for the animal print.

 Oh, Ted, How I Love Thee?

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Multicoloured Haze All Around...Part II

The Summer may be showing nothing but contempt for us British folk.  While this rain is making all the plants very happy little sessile organisms - the grass is greener than ever and flowers are in full fertile blossoming mode - we are trapped inside, unable to enjoy the outdoors, missing all the beautiful scents and colours.  So, on a rather tempestuous day I decided that I shall bring the colour inside by painting my nails, dyeing my hair and painting my lips a random mix of colours.

Lavender Dip-Dye Hair - Shoreditch Bitch Style:

Don't be fooled by the camera - it was indeed raining outside...

Purple tips & purple lips:

YSL goth purple

Pretty Pink Kisses...Mwah Mwah Dahling:

God, I love posing for the camera...

And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, it's Nail Time:

This nail art is inspired by some of beautiful Hindi (Bollywood) films from the 1960s.

It's so much easier to work on nails that are not mine - the index and middle finger falsies are shown.

And I thought I should include some clips below featuring the exquisite beauty Madhubala - a huge Bollywood star during the 50s and 60s.

Madhubala

An absolute icon, who tragically died at the age of 36 as a result of complications arising from a congenital heart disorder.  I have recently been obsessed with her performance in the epic Mughal-e-azam (Eng: The Greatest of the Mughals).

The film was originally released in black and white.  And while the story, acting and cinematography are all captivating, it is something else with colour.  The colours are so intense.  Indeed it was the director, K. Asif's intention for the film to be released in colour.  Unfortunately that was not possible in his lifetime with techni-color being added later.  There is a beautiful dedication to K. Asif at the start of the film.

...

...Captivating...
...I love it!...

Young, Free, Rich & Hungover

I guess that makes me a typical Young Adult, right?

Just finished another undergraduate degree, destroying my liver, hating men, loving men, shopping as if I have an income, not growing up and assuming responsibility...being close to 30 yet acting 18.

I'm also currently obsessed with Grunge blogs - the teenager in me won't yield.  And Yeah, that's the 90s grunge trend, which is itself probs a version of some earlier trend.  Trends are being "revisited" and "revived" even before they've finished.  As Patsy says in Ab Fab:  "Get your clothes back from the dry cleaners and it's a revival!"

Anyhoooooooo, fashion bitch over...whatevs like...

Post-finals, I am now free to do whatever the hell I want with my life.  Destroy it any fashion I see fit.  But being the eternal teenager, I am unable to achieve this without the guidance of a few role models. 

Two Blonde South African Honeys:

Charlize Theron - Beautiful, Elegant, Stylish, Sexy...

Young Adult

Why wouldn't you want to emulate such a beautiful woman?

But I know my style is a little more flamboyant.  I'm a Young Adult after all.

So, here is...

Yo-landi Vi$$er - Extrovert Extraordinaire, Loud, Sexy, Brash, Beautiful, Street-As-Fuck...

She got style coming out of all sorts of places

Baby's On Fire

Miss Vi$$er is one half of Die Antwoord.  Click the link if you're feeling fuckin' real.

Flame on, motherfuckers.

Fok Julle Naaiers

Fuck you Wankers 

(Pls Feel Free to correct my translation)

Please note, the above pics/gifs/mp4s are all from their most recent album - 2nd Album - TEN$ION.  But their 1st - $O$ - is fucking marvelous too.

Rich B***h is some fucking high-end shit.

Right now I'm acting like a Rich B***h - a very spoilt rich teenage brat.   Just look at all the goodies people have brought me to say "Well Done!  You survived your finals!"

A Fortnum & Masons Hamper filled with Champagne, truffles and yummy smelling things.  And not only is it stylish but it's functional - it doubles up as a bicycle basket with the F&M logo emblazoned across the front.  The Pashley Princess already loves it!

And of course, a girl needs some beautiful lingerie to cover her beautiful body...

Big Fat Gift Card

But besides fancy gifts, how am I letting the world know I'm young, free, rich and hungover?  NAIL PORN of course!

Elegant Shape with Loud Colours.

All sorts of Glitter and shades of Pink - Mavala Miami & Rose Petal, Models Own HedKandi Ibiza Mix & Nars Super Orgasm.

I also felt the need to dip-dye my hair a wonderful shade of Carnation Pink (LaRiche).  No photos 'coz my camera sukz...

Yes.  So, this is my current life.  Dancing dangerously between elegant beauty and hardcore bitch...actually, I don't think they're mutually exclusive.  Just don't come up to me in the street 'coz I'll probably bottle you while smiling politely and inquiring about your "whatever" life.

So, it seems I have Finals

Yeah, what are those?

I've been "off-line" for a few weeks now and it'll be a few more till I'm back in the Blogging Stratosphere proper but I need a little diversion right now.

So, dealing with the pressure of Finals and all that academic whatever, I require a few comforts.  However, all of what I need has not been invented/made legal yet.  So can the following please get their collective asses on it.

1) Dear LV (that's Louis Vuitton, geeks) - Please can you design a fashionable brown paper bag into which I can hyperventilate .

LV

2) Dear David Cameron - Can you prescribe Adderall as part of all degrees?  It will be the one good thing you do as PM.

3) To all Lab bench Monkeys - Stop being Frack - Wits - being stand-offish, dismissive and rude.  We're in the same Dept. and I have the same desire to learn as you do - stop being dicks!

4) Dear Uni of Cambs - Can we have nail techs on request...that's not so much a request, more an order...I hate revision and I hate it even more when it breaks my nails.

To The Lab Bench Monkies Ruining My Day

5) Dear God/Omnipresent Being/Dude in the Sky/Buddha - Can you increase my metabolism?  All this sitting in front of a computer, making notes, cramming pointless info into my head is boring and encourages boredom eating.  A sedentary lifestyle does not lead to a perfect physique...Basically, can you stop my ass getting fat and flatten my stomach?

6) Dear Cosmetic Surgeon - Can I look as Fabulous as This Lady?

Oh Nicki Nicki Nicki....❤

That is all I request.  And No...I'm not asking for too much.

Crimes Against Fashion

This post is not going to chastise those who unfortunately lack any notion of what fashion is, nor is it going to be a rant about how high-street stores destroy perfectly decent trends (eh em...Topshop!).  This post is in fact aimed at the Local Council and the pain it inflicts on fashion.

Rather fitting for the day of City Council elections, don't you think?

So, what has the Council done?  They have made the pavements too high and the roads too tarmac-ie and hard.

Why is this a crime against fashion?  Because it forces you to wear sensible shoes and if you wear, what I call normal shoes, i.e. heels, you are destined for failure and doom...and possibly pain...

Local Council Bastards...look at that knee...that knee is now a crime against fashion, as are the sensible shoes I am forced to wear as I hobble around in an unfashionable way! 

Although in true Lab Bench Lady style, sensible does not equate to boring...

Lab Bench Lady Customised Trainers

Lab Bench Lady Customised Trainers

I am holding the Council personally responsible for my pain.  And you ruined my So-So Fly freshly done did pedi...ruined my shoes, my legs and my nails...

You've just hit The Lab Bench Lady's Most Wanted List!

How did it happen?  I was walking my bike along the pavement and went to cross the road - tripped, fell down and was crushed my the bike.  Now, I don't blame the bike because she is a Princess and wouldn't have fallen on me if it hadn't been for pavement and tarmac silly-ness. 

So, Council Peeps...you're only going to get my vote if you make pavements lower and roads softer.  It's that simple!

Us Lab Bench Ladies Got To Stick Together

Here's a manicure I done did for a friend, who is also a So-So Fly Biologist.  We're showing those Nerds how it's done!

The manicure is Polka Dot Dotty using Barry M varnishes (Coral and Black).  Took me a while to paint in full - I'm a perfectionist.  But a Big Thank You to the Dahling who lent me her keratin canvases...I'd be happy to manicure again - if you ever have 5 hours to spare ^_^

Polka dots on nails has been trending for several years but they have never left the scene because they can work with most colour combos and they are pretty easy to paint - just use the end of a paint brush or anything with a small blunt end.

So get painting - I want to see those Polka Dot claws at a Lab Bench near me!

Here's some more polka dot inspiration for you:
(Please note - the pictures below are not mine)

Polka Dot Stilettos

Katy Perry - Serial Hottie - Polka Dot Nails

Loving the Bows

Metallics on Black

How To Get Men To Hate You

This one goes out to Samantha Brick...seriously, bitch, follow my advice if you want to lead a normal life...also apologies to The Boy because he his going to hate this...I just couldn't help myself...I ❤ Nail Porn, especially when it's on me ^_^

Well, how do you get men to hate you when you are So-So Fly?  I understand Sam Brick's dilemma...ha...no, I'm in touch with reality (unfortunately)!  But...

One quality that men abhore in women, apart from low self esteem and hair that's not on your head, is [what they consider] horrifically long nails...is that a quality?...ummmm...maybe an attribute...who cares?...anyway, men are not fans of talons and/or nail porn.

I just can't help myself though - I ❤ long Nails!  As well as being very elegant, they are 10 potential canvases on which to paint your personality...anything you desire.

Yes, it is possible to do that on short nails but [they look hideous and] long nails provide you with a much larger surface on which to express yourself!  Go for it!

And if you're in need of nail-spiration check out 10 Blank Canvases - She's a Genius:

10 Blank Canvases

10 Blank Canvases

But back to the task at hand - "How To Get Men To Hate You" with Nail Porn...

I tried my hand at Salon Acrylics - yes D.I.Y. Acrylic Nails O_o...

Alien Barbie

I feel like the female version of Wolverine

I used Kiss: Complete Salon Acrylic Kit.  Having never worn Acrylics before, or any extensions that you don't stick directly on, these worked out fantastically well.  It was surprisingly easy...although it has left me cimpletly incpable of typing withut mistakes...pretty mch evey wrd...

Those 3 words wr for drmtic effct...

Anyways, I'm very happy with these...pretty easy to apply for a complete beginner, giving me Nails long enough to scratch any man's eyes out...c4urslf...

Talons + Pink = A Man's Worst Nightmare

Nicki Minaj - Beez In The Trap

Beez in the Trap

My Nails even go with My Fav Hoodie&Heels:

And I know men, including The Boy, hate nails this long and this pink.  But, in all honesty...

...this is the amount of fucks I give...

Old Skool...couldn't resist

BUT I don't want to put men off completely...so I suggest you combine So-So fly Long Nails with a Samantha Brick make-up tutorial...brought to you by the Talented Mr Kindersley...

...and I admit I'm attempting to jump on the bandwagon long after it has left town (You were pretty speedy, my dear!), everyone got there well before me...but it's never too late to look fabulous...Tell Them!

Stunning!
Fierce!