Crimes Against Fashion

This post is not going to chastise those who unfortunately lack any notion of what fashion is, nor is it going to be a rant about how high-street stores destroy perfectly decent trends (eh em...Topshop!).  This post is in fact aimed at the Local Council and the pain it inflicts on fashion.

Rather fitting for the day of City Council elections, don't you think?

So, what has the Council done?  They have made the pavements too high and the roads too tarmac-ie and hard.

Why is this a crime against fashion?  Because it forces you to wear sensible shoes and if you wear, what I call normal shoes, i.e. heels, you are destined for failure and doom...and possibly pain...

Local Council Bastards...look at that knee...that knee is now a crime against fashion, as are the sensible shoes I am forced to wear as I hobble around in an unfashionable way! 

Although in true Lab Bench Lady style, sensible does not equate to boring...

Lab Bench Lady Customised Trainers

Lab Bench Lady Customised Trainers

I am holding the Council personally responsible for my pain.  And you ruined my So-So Fly freshly done did pedi...ruined my shoes, my legs and my nails...

You've just hit The Lab Bench Lady's Most Wanted List!

How did it happen?  I was walking my bike along the pavement and went to cross the road - tripped, fell down and was crushed my the bike.  Now, I don't blame the bike because she is a Princess and wouldn't have fallen on me if it hadn't been for pavement and tarmac silly-ness. 

So, Council Peeps...you're only going to get my vote if you make pavements lower and roads softer.  It's that simple!

Cheerleader Look #10: I Need A Photographer

Any offers?

I'm bored of taking pictures of me posing like a Lame-O in my bedroom mirror.  I Need A Photographer.

I also need a new setting, new scenery.  As the weather has been absolutely stupendous recently, I thought I would take a few photos of my Lab outfit out on my balcony.  The view is lovely...however, my photography is not!  It's a lot harder to take pictures of yourself than I thought!

Balcony View

I look a bit disjointed...head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes!

Head, Shoulders

Knees

Toes

Outfit: Vintage Leather Jacket - Sheer Pink Shirt (buttoned to the top) - My Fav High-Waisted Jeans - Orange Sandals

 

So, if you fancy yourself a photographer, please get in touch!  I need you now!

Cheerleader Look #9 - Too Kool 4 Skool

This Cheerleader look is solely dependent on some serious shades - Marc Jacobs Shades to be exact...yeah, 'cuz I be So-So Fly like that!

 So-So Fly...^_~.

Nails done, Hair done, Everything did

I seem to have gone from bright colours to funeral black...well, I like to keep those Science Geeks guessing...O_o

Maybe it's a little "Too Morose 4 Skool"...you know, a little too Wednesday Adams.

Darling Wednesday

Although, I hasten to add that Wednesday was my fashion icon when I was little.  That's what you get when you grow up in a graveyard.

But I helped my shades out by matching their fabulous-ness with a pair of printed wedges and some RoboTreasure!

Wedges + Geek Jewellery

What's Robotreasure, I hear you ask?  It's the epitome of awesome!  Here, I'm sporting a wee bracelet/anklet/necklace/whatever you want it to be, that my friend's brother handmade - what a craftsman!  He makes all sorts out of capacitors, microchips, and nuts and bolts...check out this geek-friendly fashion @ robotreasure.etsy.com store ^_^.

L.A.B.

What would a Lab Bench Lady post be w/o a shot of my Legs?

 If you're wondering that you may have seen my heels before...well, you have...but in orange...

Rumour has it, when Britney Spears likes a certain style of underwear she buys it in as many different colours as she can get her hands on.  Well, I'm the same with shoes - if I like a style of heel I'll buy it in all possible colours.  A simple philosophy to follow, I think!

Big Thanks to Alex xXx

Multicoloured Haze all around...

There are many ways to  liven up a Lab...in a mist of brightly coloured visions...

Wedges:

The higher the stack, the better!

If only my carpet wasn't so beige

I instantly become 6 foot tall (Hello Long Legs!) but without the usual wobbliness when wearing stilettos.

Floral Explosion

NB...perhaps open toes are not the safest option in a Lab...The Lab Bench Lady suggests wearing some cute socks to protect your perfect pedicure from any DNA intercalating agents ^_^

Nails:

These are nude half moons.

Nude Half Moons

Apply a clear base coat and leave to dry.  Then place a circular sticker to the cuticle end of the nail and paint the whole nail with the colour of your choice.  I've gone for my favourite brand Mavala in Romantic (#299) with an accent nail in Barry M Instant Nail Effects Gold Foil Effects (#320).

Half way through the painting...

The Finished Manicure

Dip Dye:

I am the envy of tween girls everywhere...and NO!  I haven't slept with a member of One Direction (1D - for habitual Tumblr users).  I've just dip dyed my hair.

That involves me applying some semi-permanent hair dye (Directions - Lavender) to the ends of my hair in a haphazardly manner.

Before & After

After

After

After

Colours are fun to experiment with whether on your nails, feet or hair but remember...

Not too bold, not too brash, but Nice, Different, Unusual...

Cheerleader Look #8 - Books are fun when wearing Heels

Off to the Library I went on Sunday morning.  Full of the best academic intentions...however, after 2 hours...I had lost all of my scholarly zeal!  It wasn't due to a lack of enthusiasm for my subjects (except Ecology...it is just a silly subject) but down to the fact that they switch the heating off during the weekend and the whole Department freezes!  Yes, the place gets soooo cold even when we're experiencing these tropical temperatures of +13°C.  And my attire, as fabulous as it is, is not suitable for such sub-zero situations.  To be honest, it's not really suitable for educational situations, but middle finger up to the rules and regs of academia...!!!

Feather & Pearl Vintage Headband by Mary Jane Millinery

And of course, lest us not forget the all important manicure...

I have named this "The Inverse French Barbie".  That is, it is the inverse of the usual french manicure, where the tips are painted pink (Miami by Mavala).  For me, this shade of pink is too perfect for words...I've spent far too long admiring my nails.  Sometimes, my nails are so distracting, I forget to take my pencil case to lectures and am forced to improvise with liquid eyeliner...suffice to say I do not get very far in note taking!

Life Style Choices

Life Style Choice

The pictures above capture a lecture on life style choices (within the context of medicine).  I'm sure if you've ever had the pleasure of reading this blog, you know mine are clear:

♥  Look fabulous
♥  Think fabulous
♥  Talk fabulous
♥  Be fabulous

Very straight forward indeed.  But they did not come to me naturally.  I learnt them from my one of my role models - Elle Woods - the woman who proves that cheerleader looks in academia should be de rigueur!

Elle Woods - Legally Blonde 1 & 2

 
Perhaps, I should rename my manicure in honour of her?  Mmm...but anyway, she proves that you can combine style with intelligence and lots and lots of pink.  So, my fellow students, what are you waiting for?  Stop with those hoodies, badly fitting jeans, and trainers and embrace the inner fashionably fabulous you!

Here is the most perfectly pink heroine to exist! We salute you!

Cake Baking, Lingerie Making & Booty Shaking

What else is girl to do on Valentine's Day?

1.  Bake a Cake
2.  Knit some Lingerie
3.  Dance in front of the mirror wearing leopard high heels and a Boy Hoodie.

Many thanks to the man that didn't actually give me permission to use the hoodie...^_^

Cake Baking

Well, not strictly cake baking...more cupcake baking. 

My cupcake cases

I took a Donna Hay cake recipe (simple apple & bluberry cake) and just poured it into my cupcake cases and rather than add bits of fresh apple and blueberries on top, I just layered them in the middle.

Recipe taken from her Fast, Fresh, Simple cookbook.

Nom, Nom, Nom...

The Afternoon Tea of Champions

Lingerie Making

Of the Edible Variety

Unfortunately, I did not create the above piece...awesome, though, isn't it?  Who knew strawberry laces could be so versatile?  Find the pattern by Dawn Payne at knitty.

I'm trying it out with some cream cotton yarn...I'll keep you updated ^_~.

Booty Shaking

I'm dancing in front of the mirror to Rihanna (don't be ashamed to admit that you do it too!) in an H&M fawn coloured hoodie - it's so cute it can be worn on its own...

Come here Rude Boy, Boy, Can you get it up? Come here Rude Boy, Boy, Is you big enough?

Get down low

Criss-Cross

Hip Shaking w/ H&M

Rihanna - Rude Boy

Snow...Go Frak Yourself!

Warning:  this is going to be a massive bitch fest about a meteorological phenomenon

Whooo...it's snowing!  Get over it!

Seriously, Frak Off!  Snow is a bitch...and do you know why?

Because you:

❤ Can't wear heels
❤ Can't wear hot pants
❤ Can't wear leather (hot pants)
❤ Can only wear waterproofs and "sensible" shoes (Q: What are those?)
❤ Have to endure people's endless pictures of snowmen they build
❤ Can't drive your super cute convertible
❤ Have to cope with dry skin and hair...Kérastase and Crème de la Mer can't even save you O_o.
❤ Fall on your bottom even in "sensible" shoes
❤ Get wet feet even in "sensible" shoes
❤ Can't pedal around on your super cute Pashley Princess

I am a Princess

Everything sucks when it snows

Cheerleader Look #7 - I'm seeing Legs and Dots and possible Hypothermia

Warning:  That crap about Spring springing...it was a lie...it's quite clearly winter...a fraking, baltic winter.

Which I discovered when I attempted to cycle across town in some truly awesome, but not winter-proof tights.

Clements Ribeiro Polka Dots

Clements Ribeiro b**ch

Now, I didn't go out in these tights and hot pants, although the thought did cross my mind.  In fact, I went out in a black turtle neck dress (and chain), knee-high suede boots, tux jacket (held together with a safety pin - buttons are so 2000), and my Cossack B**ch Hat (r'prasentin' fo' ma' Kossaks).

Who needs buttons?

Cossack Gangsta

Be warned - hypothermia kills...even those that dress in a fashionably inappropriate way.

Cheerleader Look #6 - Everybody ♥ Hot Pants

So, on Tuesday the sky was a melancholic shade of grey and it was pouring down with rain and I was hungover.  Combine this together and you have the makings of one very sad little girl.  So, how do we remedy this situation?  Two words:

Teamed with my pseudo-hiking boots and suspender tights = I'm a happy little Rainbow Pony!

Always make sure you limber up before walking several miles in heels...

And, of course, no look would be complete without a manicure.  It's probably the quickest one I've done - accent nail (middle finger) in Barry M Grey and other nails in Mavala Adelaide.

Lessons on "How to Scare a Plant Sci"

I don't mean to boast but I am the Master of scaring (and scarring) Plant Scis.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the title "Plant Scis", it simply refers to people, who study and are involved in the field of Plant Sciences (NB I'm mainly referring to men/boys here). You're probably thinking, "It must be hard to frighten scientists.  I mean, they deal with mutated organisms with mutated genomes, dangerous chemicals (ethidium bromide, anyone?), and crazy bacteria and viral particles!"  But you also may be thinking, "Isn't the definition of a 'scientist' a quiet, library-bound, social skill-lacking hermit, who shudders at the thought of talking to girls?"

I'll give you the first one - the history of science is full with stories of daring and creative people (almost cavalier), who have placed themselves (and others!) in danger in the name of science and the search for truth (♥ Marie Curie).  But regarding the second point, scientists are very out-going types - yes, they wear Lab coats and spend an inordinate, almost unhealthy amount of time in the Lab and/or in the Lib...but they can socialise, network and party like the best of you non-scientists.  So, how is it possible to intimidate them?  Well, I have an arsenal of really quite fabulous things, which seem to make people/men afraid of me.

I point out that I was not aware of the effect my swagga was having.  Only upon a few people saying, and I quote, "I look very intimidating", stating it was down to what I was wearing, have I come to regard myself as threatening.

To be honest, I wasn't sure what to do with that comment at first.  Probably should have punched the bastard in the face - "Hell Yeah, I'm intimidating Biiiiitch!"  However, it's now become something of a daily mantra...ha, ha, ha...I kid!  It's become a little bit of fun to have, "How can I scare people today?", to make the day pass a little better - laughter is good for the soul!

But at the end of the day, I don't mean to frighten people, I'm nice really!  I just like high heels, manicures and fashion - after all the Lab Bench is my Catwalk - it doesn't mean I'm a vain, selfish bitch...please feel free to come and talk to me...during tea hour in the Dept! ^_~

But anyway, if you're looking to scare some Plant Scis, here are some helpful hints:
Please note these tips have been designed with women in mind but that doesn't mean they won't work for men too!

Always wear high heels

ERYA

 Wear lipstick

Occasionally wear a short skirt or hot pants with slightly inappropriate tights

Always have fly nails (DIY or Salon)

Wear a statement hat

Cossack Bitch

Wear jewellery that looks like you just ransacked a grave

Drink coffee from this

And most importantly...

Walk around the department with your head held high looking like you not only belong in this place but YOU F**KING OWN IT!  It might be a lie but hey, these scared mother frakers don't know that!