I don't mean to boast but I am the Master of scaring (and scarring)
Plant Scis.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the title "Plant Scis", it simply refers to people, who study and are involved in the field of Plant Sciences (NB I'm mainly referring to men/boys here). You're probably thinking, "It must be hard to frighten scientists. I mean, they deal with mutated organisms with mutated genomes, dangerous chemicals (ethidium bromide, anyone?), and crazy bacteria and viral particles!" But you also may be thinking, "Isn't the definition of a 'scientist' a quiet, library-bound, social skill-lacking hermit, who shudders at the thought of talking to girls?"
I'll give you the first one - the history of science is full with stories of daring and creative people (almost cavalier), who have placed themselves (and others!) in danger in the name of science and the search for truth (
♥ Marie Curie). But regarding the second point, scientists are very out-going types - yes, they wear Lab coats and spend an inordinate, almost unhealthy amount of time in the Lab and/or in the Lib...but they can socialise, network and party like the best of you non-scientists. So, how is it possible to intimidate them? Well, I have an arsenal of really quite fabulous things, which seem to make people/men afraid of me.
I point out that I was not aware of the effect my swagga was having. Only upon a few people saying, and I quote, "I look very intimidating", stating it was down to what I was wearing, have I come to regard myself as threatening.
To be honest, I wasn't sure what to do with that comment at first. Probably should have punched the bastard in the face - "Hell Yeah, I'm intimidating Biiiiitch!" However, it's now become something of a daily mantra...ha, ha, ha...I kid! It's become a little bit of fun to have, "How can I scare people today?", to make the day pass a little better - laughter is good for the soul!
But at the end of the day, I don't mean to frighten people, I'm nice really! I just like high heels, manicures and fashion - after all the Lab Bench is my Catwalk - it doesn't mean I'm a vain, selfish bitch...please feel free to come and talk to me...during tea hour in the Dept! ^_~
But anyway, if you're looking to scare some Plant Scis, here are some helpful hints:
Please note these tips have been designed with women in mind but that doesn't mean they won't work for men too!
Always wear high heels
Wear lipstick
Occasionally wear a short skirt or hot pants with slightly inappropriate tights
Always have fly nails (DIY or Salon)
Wear a statement hat
 |
| Cossack Bitch |
Wear jewellery that looks like you just ransacked a grave
Drink coffee from this
And most importantly...
Walk around the department with your head held high looking like you not only belong in this place but YOU F**KING OWN IT! It might be a lie but hey, these scared mother frakers don't know that!
