We're Back In Bu$iness...

I have been a truly awful blogger of late...absolutely nothing for months...

How have you coped without my worldly, sage-like advice?  I dread to think of the awful fashion and poor music choices you've been forced to make while I have been M.I.A.

And for that I am truly sorry.  I wish I could say something to defend my absence from your life leaving you rudderless.  Well, something plausible, something you would believe...^_^ oh ahahaha...

This isn't an excuse as such but a lot has changed over the last few months...I've graduated without the fainest clue of what to do with my life other than Be Fabulous obvio!  So, really I'm the rudderless one.  But screw that, let's get back on track.  The Lab Bench Lady is back in bu$iness helping you look and feel fabulous xxx ^_^...

How to Get Nailed:

The best thing I girl can have on her hands is time and a fierce mani...

Blue Curaco (Mavala) with accent of Ibiza Mix (Models Own/hedkandi)

Paris (Mavala)

I've also been working on some nail art designs using my fav Mavalas working on a nail wheel.

Yeah, this s**t is So So-Fly even The Koolest Kitties want it.

FYI - I am designing sets of fake nails based on this seasons trends - that's Baroque people - as well as some of your run-of-the-mill awesomeness.  Keep an eye out for the LabBench Lady Talons on various e-marketplaces...yes, you will soon be able to look as hot as me ^_^

Shoe Porn:

Let me introduce you to the newest love of my life...

Vivienne Westwood Perfection...fuchsia skyscrapers...if only all high-rise buildings could be as beautifully coloured as this...sigh!

Notice the "business" books.  Yes, I'm hoping by reading something "businessy" I will in fact become more so...Dream On!  I should also add to that list Machiavelli's The Prince...All I'm missing are some blue eye shadow and big shoulder pads.

Listen to this and people will think you're cool:

Ladies first...

Tokyo Diiva (1% feat. Scotty Rebel)

Azealia Banks (1991)

Iggy Azalea (Murda Bizness feat. TI)

Kreay-Kreay-Kreayshawn (Go Hard La, La, La)

Grimes (Oblivion)

Now, Gentlemen...

Julio Bashmore (Au Seve)

A$AP Rocky (Goldie)

N.B. A$AP Rocky's hat...loves it...

So, no more excuses for being socially unacceptable.  I've told you what is what so now get to it...

P.S. I promise to never leave you for so long again...I love you xXx

I ♥ Ted

TedBaker, You have stolen my heart! 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

How could you not love a clothing and accessories brand that designs Dachshund purse clasps...

Miniature Dachshund

And everything comes in my favourite shade of pink...which is every shade of pink...

Now, they say you should match your mani to your dress/playsuit but it's a little more exciting to match it to your accessories.  So I created a mani that would nicely compliment my numerous Ted accessories.  Pink animal print on lime green covered in a coat of Essie "Matte about you".

Polishes used:
Lime Green - Inglot (#318) Check the whole range out here.
Pink - Mavala in Miami
I used Konad stamping plates for the animal print.

 Oh, Ted, How I Love Thee?

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Multicoloured Haze All Around...Part II

The Summer may be showing nothing but contempt for us British folk.  While this rain is making all the plants very happy little sessile organisms - the grass is greener than ever and flowers are in full fertile blossoming mode - we are trapped inside, unable to enjoy the outdoors, missing all the beautiful scents and colours.  So, on a rather tempestuous day I decided that I shall bring the colour inside by painting my nails, dyeing my hair and painting my lips a random mix of colours.

Lavender Dip-Dye Hair - Shoreditch Bitch Style:

Don't be fooled by the camera - it was indeed raining outside...

Purple tips & purple lips:

YSL goth purple

Pretty Pink Kisses...Mwah Mwah Dahling:

God, I love posing for the camera...

And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, it's Nail Time:

This nail art is inspired by some of beautiful Hindi (Bollywood) films from the 1960s.

It's so much easier to work on nails that are not mine - the index and middle finger falsies are shown.

And I thought I should include some clips below featuring the exquisite beauty Madhubala - a huge Bollywood star during the 50s and 60s.

Madhubala

An absolute icon, who tragically died at the age of 36 as a result of complications arising from a congenital heart disorder.  I have recently been obsessed with her performance in the epic Mughal-e-azam (Eng: The Greatest of the Mughals).

The film was originally released in black and white.  And while the story, acting and cinematography are all captivating, it is something else with colour.  The colours are so intense.  Indeed it was the director, K. Asif's intention for the film to be released in colour.  Unfortunately that was not possible in his lifetime with techni-color being added later.  There is a beautiful dedication to K. Asif at the start of the film.

...

...Captivating...
...I love it!...

So Haute Right Now

Paris Couture Week A/W 2012 is upon us...or is it 2013?  Fashion dates are confusing - they seem to always be in the future yet designers are constantly looking back in history for inspiration! Backwards!

But regardless of the year, I like nothing better than looking over endless beautiful pictures of mind-blowing fashion being modeled by stunners like Karlie Kloss in some of the most opulent Parisian buildings.

Karlie Kloss for Atelier Versace Couture - The 1st Versace Couture show in 8 years

Alas it will forever be "look, don't touch" as the prices of Haute Couture are so out of my league I think their orbiting another galaxy.  I read somewhere that only about a handful of 100 or so women actually purchase couture.  As it is not something that you can just pick up off the shop shelf - RTW is not applicable (FYI ready to wear).

But if I was in possession of a bottomless bank account, this is what I would request...

Zahia Dehar (Prostitute turned Fashion Designer) Lingerie:

Some of the head wear from Armani Prive and Giambattista Valli:

Armani Prive

Giambattista Valli

Giambattista Valli

And like many others, I salute Raf Simons' first collection for Dior since Galliano's disgraceful exit - give me dresses with super slim waists and floral bustiers:

Christian Dior

Christian Dior

What I'm not interested in at all is which bastards attend which shows.  I couldn't care less if Alexa "skinny indie chick" Chung attends, I don't care where she's sitting and what she's wearing...it's probably boring and grey...that girl needs to liven up her colour palate.  I mean the first google search for Couture Week Paris A/W 2013 returned pictures of Kanye West and the vacuous Kim Kardashian.  An example of more Sh*t Google Says.  And an example of the press focusing on the unimportant issues - it's Couture Week people not "Spot Pointless Celebrities Sitting at the Front Row Week" - yawn, yawn, yawn...

However, there is still more to come throughout the week...looks like it's going to be a good one ^_^

Titty Much Protilly Fitshaced

Good News Everyone!  Since finishing finals and coming to the realisation that I'm a Scientific Genius, I've been living the life of an alcoholic deliquent, sponging of parental units while maintaining a bloodstream composed of mostly champagne with the occasional haemoglobin cofactor knocking about.

Go Me!

As such, there have been many parties and many party outfits - May Balls, Polo Balls, Graduation Parties, Random Garden Parties etc.  While this provided me with ample photo opportunities for blog posts to show you all how Fabulous I looked there was also a lavish amount of alcohol at said events which greatly impeded my photo taking and posing abilities.

Sigh!

So, I am left with very little evidence for how fantastic June was and how fantastic I looked throughout the month!

Instead, here is a collection of randomness...

Ball Dress + Plasmodium

Ball Dress - Ghost, Feather Bolero - J Lewis

The second photo is the last ever picture I took in the faithful full-length mirror in my college room.  Sadly, I will not being returning :( I am now finished at Cambridge Uni.  But not to worry - my current dwelling comes equipped with not one but TWO full-length mirrors...let the posing begin.

Graduands Dinner

This was my last night at my college...Ted Baker dress (Jamthun Zip Deatil Dress - see below) and academic gown.  Post-dinner, a group of us went into town wearing our beautiful gowns.  Hitting up the town academic stylie...whatever that is?!

Love this dress - corset and peplum - perffffff...

But aside from all the nocturnal fun, I did manage to make it outside during the hours of daylight.

Picnic Time!!

Joules Picnic Basket

Pony Themed Picnic Basket filled with yummyness + Gin&Tonic in a can = Totes Sophisticated

And other daylight activities include graduation.  Unfortunately, Uni rules dictated that I had to dress as if attending a funeral.  Black everything...indeed my inner goth was pleased...but the weather and the celebratory occasion really called for something a little more upbeat.  What's a fashion conscious graduate to do????

We are Family

Oh June!  

You were a fabulous month.  

Here is to the rest of what I'm sure will be a fabulous summer.  

Rain, that's your cue to Frak Off!

Young, Free, Rich & Hungover

I guess that makes me a typical Young Adult, right?

Just finished another undergraduate degree, destroying my liver, hating men, loving men, shopping as if I have an income, not growing up and assuming responsibility...being close to 30 yet acting 18.

I'm also currently obsessed with Grunge blogs - the teenager in me won't yield.  And Yeah, that's the 90s grunge trend, which is itself probs a version of some earlier trend.  Trends are being "revisited" and "revived" even before they've finished.  As Patsy says in Ab Fab:  "Get your clothes back from the dry cleaners and it's a revival!"

Anyhoooooooo, fashion bitch over...whatevs like...

Post-finals, I am now free to do whatever the hell I want with my life.  Destroy it any fashion I see fit.  But being the eternal teenager, I am unable to achieve this without the guidance of a few role models. 

Two Blonde South African Honeys:

Charlize Theron - Beautiful, Elegant, Stylish, Sexy...

Young Adult

Why wouldn't you want to emulate such a beautiful woman?

But I know my style is a little more flamboyant.  I'm a Young Adult after all.

So, here is...

Yo-landi Vi$$er - Extrovert Extraordinaire, Loud, Sexy, Brash, Beautiful, Street-As-Fuck...

She got style coming out of all sorts of places

Baby's On Fire

Miss Vi$$er is one half of Die Antwoord.  Click the link if you're feeling fuckin' real.

Flame on, motherfuckers.

Fok Julle Naaiers

Fuck you Wankers 

(Pls Feel Free to correct my translation)

Please note, the above pics/gifs/mp4s are all from their most recent album - 2nd Album - TEN$ION.  But their 1st - $O$ - is fucking marvelous too.

Rich B***h is some fucking high-end shit.

Right now I'm acting like a Rich B***h - a very spoilt rich teenage brat.   Just look at all the goodies people have brought me to say "Well Done!  You survived your finals!"

A Fortnum & Masons Hamper filled with Champagne, truffles and yummy smelling things.  And not only is it stylish but it's functional - it doubles up as a bicycle basket with the F&M logo emblazoned across the front.  The Pashley Princess already loves it!

And of course, a girl needs some beautiful lingerie to cover her beautiful body...

Big Fat Gift Card

But besides fancy gifts, how am I letting the world know I'm young, free, rich and hungover?  NAIL PORN of course!

Elegant Shape with Loud Colours.

All sorts of Glitter and shades of Pink - Mavala Miami & Rose Petal, Models Own HedKandi Ibiza Mix & Nars Super Orgasm.

I also felt the need to dip-dye my hair a wonderful shade of Carnation Pink (LaRiche).  No photos 'coz my camera sukz...

Yes.  So, this is my current life.  Dancing dangerously between elegant beauty and hardcore bitch...actually, I don't think they're mutually exclusive.  Just don't come up to me in the street 'coz I'll probably bottle you while smiling politely and inquiring about your "whatever" life.

So, it seems I have Finals

Yeah, what are those?

I've been "off-line" for a few weeks now and it'll be a few more till I'm back in the Blogging Stratosphere proper but I need a little diversion right now.

So, dealing with the pressure of Finals and all that academic whatever, I require a few comforts.  However, all of what I need has not been invented/made legal yet.  So can the following please get their collective asses on it.

1) Dear LV (that's Louis Vuitton, geeks) - Please can you design a fashionable brown paper bag into which I can hyperventilate .

LV

2) Dear David Cameron - Can you prescribe Adderall as part of all degrees?  It will be the one good thing you do as PM.

3) To all Lab bench Monkeys - Stop being Frack - Wits - being stand-offish, dismissive and rude.  We're in the same Dept. and I have the same desire to learn as you do - stop being dicks!

4) Dear Uni of Cambs - Can we have nail techs on request...that's not so much a request, more an order...I hate revision and I hate it even more when it breaks my nails.

To The Lab Bench Monkies Ruining My Day

5) Dear God/Omnipresent Being/Dude in the Sky/Buddha - Can you increase my metabolism?  All this sitting in front of a computer, making notes, cramming pointless info into my head is boring and encourages boredom eating.  A sedentary lifestyle does not lead to a perfect physique...Basically, can you stop my ass getting fat and flatten my stomach?

6) Dear Cosmetic Surgeon - Can I look as Fabulous as This Lady?

Oh Nicki Nicki Nicki....❤

That is all I request.  And No...I'm not asking for too much.